I’m writing this as I reflect on an almost two-month hiatus when it comes to writing (for fun). I couldn’t think about what to write — I feel like I’ve said a lot yet have so much more to say, and writing isn’t something that I can force out of myself because it feels inauthentic. So, today, I’ll be speaking from the heart, on why you’ll never truly know yourself until you spend time alone.
For the past few months, I’ve been learning about myself in ways that I never really expected to. As young adults, we tend to think that we know everything and have ‘seen it all’, which makes it hard for us to admit that we’re wrong. We think we understand grief until we experience it; we think we understand the world until we actually see it; and we think we understand ourselves until we actually know who we are.
I just wrapped up my first solo trip to Puerto Rico and I didn’t know anyone here, had never been before and honestly didn’t know what to expect. I made this choice to kind of throw myself into the unknown in hopes of coming out of it with something I could cherish forever (it worked). People I would meet would tell me I was extremely mature for a twenty-year-old, which to some could definitely be an ego boost, but to me was validation that I was doing something right.
A lot of us are genuinely petrified of being alone, and we don’t even realise it. You obsess over social media because it makes you feel less alone than you are, but I think we tend to forget that we’re never really alone. I was alone on this trip, but I was never really lonely. I knew that I always had myself to fall back on. And I think that building that relationship with myself where I could always put myself first before anyone else is what got me to where I am now. Putting the same energy that I would put towards others onto me was the best decision I could’ve made. And honestly, I had to be selfish because at the end of the day, I had to focus on me.
I have also started to value real human connections a lot more lately. If you’re a young adult/late teenager, I feel like our first instincts when meeting someone new is to ask “Oh what’s your Instagram/TikTok/etc?” Not once did I ask that to anyone I met because I didn’t find a value in that. Me gaining an extra follower meant nothing to me compared to the conversations I was having. Social media makes us want to live for other people, not for ourselves, and it makes you live through other people. And I got sick of it. I want to live my own life, and I’m not going to sit and wait anymore.
I’m not writing this to say that we need to isolate ourselves completely in order to enjoy life, because that’s wrong. I’m just saying that until you actually know who you are at your lowest and your highest, you won’t be able to live.
Anyways, this is all I have for today. There is a lot going on in the world, most of it is negative, so I hope this was somewhat of a good break from that (even though it probably just felt like me rambling)!
- aliya <3
You did it!!! I hope you enjoyed every bit of Puerto Rico, we’ll be there in a couple of weeks:) 😘😘