the fetishisation of black women from white men
"i loveeeeee black women" .....RUN
As a Black woman, especially if you live in a predominantly white area, you are bound to experience weird attention from white men. Whether they call you exotic, tell you they love your sexual aura or love your “sassy attitude”, you can’t escape it. This idea roots from the impact of slavery and colonisation, where we were exploited as objects of labour, sexually, and for entertainment. Our bodies were dehumanised, which caused a perception of Black women as being hypersexual, where we were sexually assaulted due to us being the object of many white men’s fantasies and curiosities.
With many white men, it’s almost as if they have this goal of “collecting” black women and adding them to their roster of who they have dated. For these men who fetishise us, having a Black wife is equivalent to finally owning that 1970s convertible they’ve dreamt of adding to their collection. And I say this because many have low self-esteem in societies dominated and centred around their race. So it’s almost exclusive when they have a black woman by their side, making them feel more special than ever. They feel unique and superior, which will temporarily increase their self-esteem.
This reduces Black women to objects of fascination rather than actual human beings with emotions, unique personalities and identities. This fetishisation devalues their humanity and perpetuates stereotypes in relation to Black women. They don’t really care about our feelings; it’s more about us being pretty and making them look good. For example, when men decide to marry a woman from an impoverished country (whether she’s Black or not), sort of like a mail-order bride, it’s again for external validation. The man will have complete power over her and, in time, reduce her to only her looks. Of course, not all are like this, but many more negative cases have occurred.
In pop culture and social media, Black women are stereotyped as having an insane sexual appetite, where everyone has to at least experience it once in their lives. As a white man, your friends congratulate and applaud you for sleeping with a Black woman.
Music artists like Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion, etc., and even other female influencers and their fame leads to this other level of fetishization that is more current. White boys would kill to have a black girlfriend because it makes them feel good about themselves when their girlfriend looks like a celebrity. And again, to him, he deserves a round of applause for being with a black woman and being able to “tie her down.”
And it may not seem relevant to some, but this takes a toll on millions of women. When someone is dating you just because of your skin colour, you wonder if they only love you for what you have. It’s the same as someone dating you because of your job, social status, and other factors. Constantly asking yourself what you’re doing wrong when you’re not the problem is extremely draining and destroys your identity and self-esteem.
Hypothetically, I could say that I find a white man attractive and go on with my day like nothing happened because what exactly would I gain from telling the world that I don’t mind dating outside of my race? But for the men, it’s different. Having a preference for us is fine, and appreciating us is fine, but the issue is when you sexualize and fetishize us because you need a “melanin queen” in your life. If you were genuine with it, you wouldn’t compliment us by referring to us as food or putting down other races to lift us up.
You can date whoever you want regardless of their race, sexuality, religion, etc. It doesn’t matter because, at the end of the day, you cannot control who you love. Therefore I would never bash a black woman for dating a white man and vice versa, but I will call you out if your white partner is fetishising you and not with you for who you are.
This video talks about the fetishisation of mixed kids which is just…. insane on another level.
thank you for reading,
aliya