the decline of communities
For as long as I can remember, my mother’s side of the family signified community to me. Eating enormous meals together as we sat on floor in a circle. Having extended family members walk in just to say hi (and more than often for the free food). It all just felt normal, and natural. Growing up I often shared my bedroom with my paternal grandmother, and back then, I didn’t like this at all. I thought it was annoying to have to go to bed whenever she did, or having to tune out the news channel she’d play early in the morning. But looking back at it, moments spent with her and all the other women in my life —the community of women in my life— completely shaped the woman I’ve become and continue to turn myself into.
My sense of community shifted when I moved to the West and its metropolitan cities. Societies where it’s often wrong to still live at home with your family (which should of course only ever be discussed case by case, I still don’t know who said living at home = broke). Societies where we’re told to do everything by ourselves, not ask for help because otherwise you’re not independent, etc. As a professional introvert that often gets mistaken for the opposite, I understand wanting to enjoy ones own solitude. It’s how we are as humans; we need our own alone time to explore the unknown. But everything is great in moderation. Just like you often need a break to recharge your social batter, you also need to be with your community, with people, and with nature.
Nothing in this world is done alone, just like nothing in nature functions alone. All the trees and flowers you see when you stare out your window are connected by systems we could never see with our naked eye. Even when a tree stands tall and seems isolated from any life, it is not. And I think we as humans can be held to the same regard. Even when we feel, or are, isolated, and when the rest of the world tells us to just “keep going” in that state, just look back to nature for your answer. Ask for the help you need, and the advice you want, and let your voice be heard to whoever wants to hear you. You’re never truly alone when you see yourself as a tree in the midst of this vast forest. In understanding this, you’ll find your people, which I think many of us spend years looking for. But stop looking for them, just be, and they’ll somehow find themselves needing to plant themselves next to your tree.
Society has also just made us not care about anything or anyone that isn’t in our close proximity, and that is another level of isolation and loss of community that worries me. I’ve always seen other people, especially other Black people as members of my extended community. I’m sure I’m not the only one who comes from a family that does the nod when we see other Black families on holidays. Caring and acknowledging other people even when you don’t know them isn’t some mind-blowing idea, but it’s something that we can’t forget about. But everyone worries so much about being detached and non-chalant to even care. I honestly believe that this is one of many leading reasons as to why so many people could simply not care about the horrors going on in the world. They’ll never truly care unless it directly affects them, but when you approach life with this mindset of connectivity, you know it affects you too.
Over the summer, I’ve been talking to some friends about how we yearn to live like our ancestors once did; in harmony with nature and with themselves. And I can only hope that we can all find bits of this in our modern lives, as community is enough to foster the changes we want to see in our world.
thank you for reading <3
Such a beautiful and important read.
this was so beautifully said x