looking beyond the flesh.

on our cultural obsession with beauty and netflix’s love is blind

This is truly a full circle moment for me; one year later, and I’m still talking about Love is Blind, but let me tell you that no show has ever gotten as many gasps out of me simply because these people don't know how to behave. For those of you who are luckily unfamiliar with this show, a group of single adults attempt to fall in love without seeing each other initially, hoping to prove that love is blind, and getting married at the end. I’m a lover at heart— we know this—  and this show makes me feel utterly hopeless regarding how love is seen in our society. People don’t care about who they’re with as long as they fit this bizarre aesthetic and beauty standard. It’s the way they could be the most disgusting person at heart, but as long as they’re physically attractive, it’s okay. This is where Love is Blind comes in, where I’ll discuss the bizarre couple dynamics from this season and how we’re completely obsessed with beauty as a society. 

In this year’s season of Love is Blind, there are two main couples that I’d like to focus on— Jimmy and Chelsea and AD and Clay. Honestly, I’m not here to talk about their journeys on the show because they are long, and I would forget too many details, but I’ll try my best to give you enough context in relation to this topic (spoiler alert). Jimmy and Chelsea got engaged although they both had romantic feelings towards other people in the show as well. Chelsea told him that she looked like Megan Fox, and that was his golden ticket. He proposes, they meet, and one of the first things he says is along the lines of “You lied to me… you don’t look like Megan Fox.”  The problem here isn’t that she fooled or deceived him by saying that she looked like someone else; the problem is that he let that be the only driver of his attraction and love towards her. If Jimmy actually loved her, he would not care about her looks; furthermore, when he meets the other woman he was interested in, you can just tell he is infatuated with her beauty and has forgotten about his fiance. Honestly, I don’t like either one of them but that doesn’t justify his behaviour.

This is his face as he meets her (and I wish I was lying)

Now onto Clay and AD, the ones who I had so much hope for, and then was once again disappointed. Realistically, my hope for them lasted around 3 episodes and dissolved when Clay told his future fiance that he wouldn’t marry her if she didn’t have the body he expected. How shallow can you get? First of all, the name of the game is Love is Blind. BLIND. Therefore, as a contestant on this show, you have no business asking someone who you’re interested in if they have a big ass (I didn’t want to use that word, but that is literally what he says). Further, he tells her during their honeymoon (their second day seeing each other in LIB terms) that if she gains weight, he is going to “get her in that MF gym.” My brain hurts. Lastly, imagine walking down the aisle on your wedding day and instead of your future husband telling you, “You look beautiful”, he says something like “, Look at that body!” You will never catch me with the last name of a man like that. AD also needs to be held accountable because she saw the red flags and experienced them in person, yet stayed with him. In the end, neither one of these couples gets married on the show, which makes me wonder, were any of them actually in love? It’s difficult to use dating shows as examples of love in the real world because we tend to forget that these people might just want to get famous; I mean, why would you need to go on a TV series to find love? These examples aren’t meant to be the defined reflections of our society, they’re more a look into this bigger conflict of the grip external beauty has on us.

The way you look is one of the least interesting things about you. The phrase “never judge a book by its cover” is constantly used, but it is so real. Once you look beyond the flesh and actually take an interest in other people, trust me, you’ll start to find meaningful connections with others. The concept of beauty is a fleeting one, and when we’re so easily influenced by these rapid beauty trends in society, external beauty should be the least of our worries. One day, you’ll fit into the beauty standard, and another, you’ll be on the opposite side of the spectrum— and there’s nothing you can do about that. These systems weren’t meant to uplift us; if anything, they tear us down, bring up comparisons, and ignite self-hatred.  

City of God (Cidade de Deus), 2002

So what exactly do we look for in love? I’m not a relationship coach, but if we look at the success stories of LIB, a majority of the couples had mutual confidence towards each other, trust, a genuine connection, and they could actually communicate how they felt. No one cared about what the other looked like. But in this dystopian world of dating apps, TikTok, and trends rapidly changing beauty norms, it has become impossible to destroy this construct. I’ve spoken about it within love, but it’s also an internal problem. It can genuinely turn into a sickness the way one can make their external beauty their all and neglect the fact that they’re a human being.

We don’t make it to first dates anymore simply because all we care about is looks. What happened to actually getting to know one another beyond the superficial? Humanity itself is multidimensional, yet we continuously reduce someone’s beauty to their physical appearance. So I’ll leave you with this; your physical appearance constantly changes, therefore why should it be the determining factor for anything in life? 

thank you for reading :)