i will be a teenage girl until i'm 30

on growing pains, nostalgia and our fear of growing up & when it becomes an issue

If anyone asks me what my favourite Mitski lyric is, I will forever say, "And I was so young when I behaved 25. yet now find I I've grown into a tall child." I grew up too quickly, and I think many girls in our generation also did. Whether it was due to a situation that puts you in that spot or needing to feel mature and independent, it happens to all of us. When I look at younger pictures of myself, even ones where I can't recognise myself, I feel nostalgic and desire for the life I had then. We had no responsibilities, no fundamental notion of the world; it was honestly just vibes, to put it casually. And now, at 19, I would do anything to feel like that again.

I always feared growing up, but I've accepted that it's a part of life. When I was 13, I thought I was internally 25, but now it's the opposite. I miss being a teen. I learned so many life lessons at that age, and honestly, I wish I were back there relearning all of them. I want to discuss the issue with women wanting to preserve themselves as perfect porcelain figures (plastic surgery, skin care obsessions, etc.) and who we are doing this for.

I'll admit, having this "fear" isn't problematic when it's just that. A fear, and not something we actually act upon. But lately, I've been thinking about this obsession younger girls and women around 25-45 have with forever looking younger. There's a rise in plastic and cosmetic surgeries for the most random things you could imagine, where some do it to feel better about themselves and others to please society. As women, it's as if we're made to please the male gaze on which modern society is constructed. The idea of pleasing a man is being masked as "self-care," and it's becoming increasingly difficult to break free from this once we're addicted to male validation.

I see this manifesting in younger girls who can't legally have anything done on their bodies through skin care. I saw a video of a nine-year-old doing her 15-step skincare routine, and that's when I knew. There's actually no need for any of that. There's no one to blame for this other than social media and their parents, but seriously, why is this happening? Kids mimic the behaviour and actions of everyone around them because they think that's right. So if a kid is watching an adult constantly want to look young and perfect, they'll have that mindset without actually understanding what they're doing.

This means we must go back to the source, i.e. their parents. It's far too common to see men publicly admit that they prefer younger women. This isn't exclusive to "older men" because although it is pretty disgusting, some young adults do as well. A man's idea of a perfect woman is: a virgin, preferably not too many male friends, who likes to stay at home, has a perfect body, perfect face and worships him. I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but there's been an insane increase in this genre of men (especially after Andrew Tate decided to open his mouth). Women undergo procedures to appeal to men; even then, that might not be enough. The only thing you can do is to stop living for them. Do a procedure if you want that, and it'll make you feel better, not because your boyfriend wishes you had no wrinkles. 

So many of our problems are derived from society constructed to benefit men, and we can do nothing but completely separate ourselves from that. Even then, I feel like another just rises when you get rid of one problem. Honestly, this started off as a notes app rant (still is), and all I wanted to say was that I wished women could live and grow old like everyone else without being bashed for not looking like we did at the age of 10. I also dream of speaking to the younger me and passing everything I've learned to her.

anyways, thank you for reading,

aliya

(cover picture is Tropicana dancers in Cuba by Daniel Kramer)